FORMER England boss Steve McClaren has bizarrely claimed - in a ridiculous Dutch accent - that he invented the banana, raising fears over his current state of mental sobriety. It comes after FC Twente chairman Joop Munsterman admitted to reporters that McClaren is probably madder than King George.

Suspicions over the sanity of McClaren were raised on Wednesday night, after he claimed that he had outwitted Arsene Wenger despite losing 2-0 to the Frenchman’s side. “I had Arsene Wenger rattled,” he told reporters, while simultaneously sticking two pencils up his nose and pulling a pair of underpants over his head.

The latest incident, dubbed ‘Banana Gate’, allegedly took place yesterday at a supermarket in the Dutch city of Enschede. Eyewitnesses claim that McClaren was raving and jabbering in aisle one, next to the marrows, about how he had invented the banana and that the Man from Del Monte had stolen his ideas.

“He had this feral look in his eye,” commented one Dutch grocery shopper. “He kept waving this bunch of bananas around and screaming wildly about how he was going to make the Man from Del Monte pay. It was very scary.”

Another local said that McClaren had earned a reputation as the village idiot and had endeared himself to the residents of Enschede, who affectionately referred to him as ‘that mad Englishman’. However, this latest outburst has left some locals concerned about their safety in the presence of such an unpredictable lunatic. He said: “At first we thought Mr McClaren was completely harmless, but now we are not so sure. Some people say that he even has a big net that he goes around catching children with.”

Meanwhile, the actual Man from Del Monte was unavailable for comment last night, but a spokesperson from Del Monte said: “I can unequivocally confirm that it was the Man from Del Monte who invented the banana and not this charlatan Steve McClaren, who we have never even remotely heard of.”

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